Total Drama Tales
by BunniesAreNotCookies
Summary: Explore twisted tales with our favorite reality show's host, Chris...and Izzy! Read and find out what happens when they open up classic fairytales of romance, adventure, and comedy!
1. The Three Pig Bros and The CIT

" **Welcome to story time, with Uncle Chris**."

A raven haired male held a pipe, pinched against his two fingers. Dressed in a blue velvety robe and coffee colored slippers, he sat upon a magnificent chair, a large and probably comfy dark red with a single white silk pillow that he leaned on.

Clear bubbles flew out of the pipe as he slid it in his mouth, and the corner of his lips moved as he talked, "We will be exploring some twisted fairy tales with our twisted cast-"

"-with Izzy!"

A shrill voice called and Chris sighed and smacked a palm to his forehead multiple times as a redhead female, whose bouncy hair was a unusual shade of orange, leaped in with her usual outfit, a green crop top with a cut out for her breasts and a lime skirt which hid darker green shorts.

"I thought I kept you busy." Chris groaned, sliding down on his chair. Izzy nodded rapidly, speaking a blurred and quick words, "Uh-huh, uh-huh! The rhinos were a nice touch, but Izzy keeps great track of time!" She chirped, making a saluting gesture to him.

"I'm at your service! How does Izzy help with storytelling?"

"You wanna know how you can help?"

Nod nod.

"Well you can just sit back and play the quiet game...and let me read the story. No speaking!"

Izzy flopped down on the floor doggy-style, grinning widely, "Okie dokie! Oops! I spoke!" She gasped, "I spoke again! And again! And again! And again! And agai-"

"ZIP IT!"

The crazy nutcase made a zipping gesture over her lips as she threw away the "key".

"Thank you." Chris leaned over to the creatively carved antique nightstand and grabbed a large and dusty brown book.

He blew on it lightly, a cloud of dust flowing off and settling around him. The man coughed and opened the book, crinkled yellow pages turning as he flipped to a page, seeing an illustration, which showed three young bros, known as Geoff, Duncan and Harold, dressed as little pigs, with pink ears and snouts planted on their faces and a curled tail. Behind them Courtney as wolf, gray ears from her hair and a tail sprouting from her behind. Her usual french manicured nails were sharpened even more as they represented claws and her dark midnight orbs were now yellow with the pupil sharpened.

" **Tonight, we will explore the tale of the Three Young Pig Bros and the Big Bad C.I.T Wolf**."

"I love that story!" Squealed a voice behind him. He screamed a very high pitched scream as he whipped around, Izzy standing there, arms around her back and her usual crazed grin on her face.

" **IZZY**!" Chris screeched. He pointed at the carpet, " **Sit and SHUT IT**!"

Izzy pounted and stomped over to the spot, thumping down on the floor, arms crossed.

" **As I was saying..."** he continued **, "Once upon a time...** "

The three young bros were shown, walking around on a grassy and lush field with a dirt and soiled path laid in front of them.

". **..there were three young bro pigs. The eldest was Geoff, who was also the most stupid...** "

Geoff kept a huge grin on hs face as a fly flew into his ear and out of the next one. The only reaction that occurred was a little ear twitch.

" **...the next young bro pig was Duncan, who was the meanest and the nastiest pig...** "

Duncan began to shank a block of wood with a sharp knife as he kept his sharp gaze fixated on it. A small fly landed on his ear and his head shot up. The small bug began to flee and he chucked the pocket knife at the poor thing, obviously missing and hammering a tree.

" **...and the youngest pig bro was Harlold..**."

The skinny redhead with glasses held his head high as he walked, a book clutched in his grip.

" **...who was the nerdiest and the geekiest...** "

"Hey!" Harold exclaimed as the other dudes erupted with laughter.

" **Shhh! Don't interrupt the stories**!"

Harold groaned and stuck his nose back in the book as the others ceased laughter.

Chris the narrator cleared his throat and continued once again, " **Now there was this big uptight C.I.T wolf named Courtney...** "

The page flipped and Courtney was shown stalking around in the forest. A small bluejay landed on a branch near her. She stopped to look at it. The small bird chirped a tune. Courtney clasped her claw hands together, basking in the song but then her lovely face scrunched up.

The poor bird was startled as she pointed at him with an index claw finger and wagged it, "YOU PLAYED OFF TUNE!" She screamed, the single wind power from her howl sending the small creature flying and trees to bend.

The wolf girl _hmphed_ and held her head high, strutting away once more.

" **...she was the scariest in the forest. Her complaints were so loud that her howls broke trees. But she was in charge of keeping the forest...well...forest-themed**."

"IS THAT A REDWOOD TREE IN A PINE FOREST?!" Courtney fumed. An unsuspecting beaver crossing paths with her was picked up by the scruff by her hands and placed in front of the tree, "You! Cut that down right now!"

The beaver made no protests as the red-faced wolf girl was scary enough, even if it wasn't at him and started gnawing on the redwood.

" **Now...the three young dude pigs had just set out on an adventure to craft their new homes. They had heard stories about this big bad wolf, and had bid each other good bye and good luck to build their new homes**."

Duncan pat Geoff on the back, "Good luck with your home, bro." The blonde pig bro smiled and nodded, "And you with yours."

The silence lasted a few moments before Harold spoke up, "And me?"

"Eh...you're bound to get eaten by wolves." Duncan waved his hand to dismiss him.

"Gosh! Rude! I have a better chance of surviving the wolf than you!" Harold exclaimed. Geoff rolled his eyes, "How so?"

"Because I know how to build a house!" Harold raised his nose in the air and crossed his arms, "All you two want to do is party! The wolf will surely get you!"

"All I hear is "BULLLLSHIIIIIIT'!" Duncan whooped, smacking Harold on the back forcefully as his glasses fell off his face, "I'll build the best house, nerd!"

"I won't have time for that!" Geoff adjusted his hat, "Yeah, I'll build a house, but it'll be quick, so I can explore and play!"

"I'll build the coolest house!" Duncan declared, "It'll be menacing and the wolf won't want to cross me!"

"You're both dumb!" Harold groaned, picking up his glasses "Fine! Get eaten by wolves, gosh! See if I care!"

"Okay, but it'll be you who gets eaten by wolves first!" Duncan grinned wickedly and walked off in the path, "I'll see you bros around!"

"Yeah, dude I should also probably get going." Geoff agreed, also padding off into a different intersection path and saluting them both, "Adios!"

Which left the redheaded pig bro by himself. He straightened his glasses, "I'll show them." Harold grumbled, "I'll show them both!"

The narrator began to speak again as Harold ran into the forest, " **And so, the young dudes set off to build their own houses-** "

"Grah!" Izzy leaped onto the paused setting, fake fangs plastered to her teeth and large false wolf paws on her hands, and atop her head was a headbands with poorly glued-on gray wolf ears and a dark wolf tail from her back. Her arms were sprawled out in the air as her 'fangs' were bared.

" **IZZY! DID I NOT TELL YOU TO ZIP IT**?!"

"I know! But I wanna be the wolf! It's gonna be fun to set the house on fire!"

" **...IZZY! THE WOLF DOES NOT SET THE HOUSE ON FIRE**!"

"It doesn't?" Izzy cocked her head, her wolf headband falling off, "That's the way my mama always told the story!"

" **Izzy, just sit back down and DON'T MOVE**!''

"Okay, okay!" Izzy-wolf stalked off, lips pursued.

" **As I was saying, the three pigs-** "

"OINK!"

" **ARE YOU F****ING KIDDING ME**."

"What?" the crazy girl, which, now had a pink pig onsie on, spread her limbs in all directions as she leaped back on the set, "I'm a pig now!"

" **IIIIZZZZYYYY**!"

"Fine, fine!" Izzy growled and prowled off, "You're no fun!"

" **As I was saying, until I was interrupted twice, Geoff, the oldest pig bro, set off to look for supplies on how to build his house.** "

Geoff looked around as he walked down the path, "What to build a house out of? I could use trees...that'll take too long!"

The blonde pig bro then stopped in his tracks as a stack of old golden hay was scattered among the grass, along with a few twigs.

"Dude, yes!" He pumped a fist in the air, collecting the supplies, "This'll be easy and quick to build! A hut!"

" **And so, the pig bro started to build his small and simple house. No too far away, the second eldest pig bro was starting to build his house as well...but he had found more...stable supplies...** "

Duncan bent a piece of metal in half, gripping it with both hands. Next to him, a pile of steel rods were stacked against each other like a large cube, and holding them together was more pieces of iron bars, twisted like a basket.

"Any predators won't dare cross my path once they see this!" he boasted to no one in particular, now taking his pocketknife and shanking it against a piece of wood to make a spike.

" **..while he worked on getting his house all scary and threatening, the youngest pig bro mapped out his house and got strong materials to build it..** "

"What's brick and cement doing here in the woods?" Harold gave the supplies an incredulous look, before shrugging, indicating he won't question the abnormality and put an index finger to his lips, "Hm...I'd have to plan out the structure and calculate how many bricks we need...plus find the volume and length...I can do this! Duncan and Geoff will eat their words!" he beamed.

" **Now...as the pigs built there homes, the big and bad C.I.T wolf was stalking around the part of the forest...scaring animals along her way...** "

Courtney's dark cinnamon freckled face was now red with anger. She stomped in the path, "The nerve of these animals! I am not uptight nor do I have anger issues! I'm just so mad I could-" She halted before a tree and clenched her fist, striking it with a punch, and in that instant, it fell down. Courtney let out a sigh of relief and wiggled her claws, "I feel a bit better now..."

She continued up the path before coming to another stop, letting out a gasp, "What is that?!"

Before her stood a pitiful house made of old grass and held together by two thin twigs.

"That is...horrendous!"

"Um...dude, it's actually my house..."

She swiveled around to face a blonde pig dude with a hollowed coconut on his hand with a straw. "You...what is this? This doesn't belong in the forest! Where did you find redwood twigs! I threw those trees out! And that ugly grass color...oh don't get me started on the location!"

"Oh shit!" Geoff gasped and dropped his coconut drink, "You're the wolf!" he dashed into his small hut, "Leave me alone! Don't eat me!"

Courtney pursed her lips and set her claw hands on her hips, tail lashing back and forth, "This house needs to go! Come on out to take it down!"

"No! I'm staying in here! I'm not getting eating by your ugly wolf fangs!"

"Ugly?" The wolf girl snarled, baring said fangs, "You think it's EASY to have these things!? I take one HOUR each DAY to make sure they're white and shiny! YOU are an UNGRATEFUL BRAT!" With every wold, a howl came out, and the power of her cries were enough to blow his house away, leaving Geoff cowering with no protection.

" **Once the eldest pig saw he had nothing to hide against the wolf, so he dashed to find the next brother pig's house, the furious C.I.T wolf running behind him**."

"GET BACK HERE YOU UNCULTURED SWINE AND APOLOGIZE!"

Geoff then found his way to Duncan's house, a small square, metal bars around it like a cage with wooden spikes at the entrance, needless to say, it looked scary, but it wouldn't stop the fuming wolf not to far behind.

He pounded on his brother's door, "Bro! Let me in! I'm getting chased by the wolf!" Duncan looked through his house and pulled the party pig inside, slamming the door closed.

"Bro, she blew down my house and she's after me-"

"She?" suddenly, Duncan wasn't so concerned and his lips curved into a smile, an eyebrow raised, "It's a chick?"

"I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE!" Courtney had made it to the house, before cringing at the sight before her, "What is it with you pigs and houses? This looks like a prison? Where did you find metal IN THE FOREST?"

It was a mistake of Duncan to cat-call to her, pressing himself against the metal bars, his ears perked up and his curly tail wagging back and forth, "That is one foxy wolf!"

"WHAT?"

"Duncan, dude! She's already upset!" Geoff crawled to the back of his "house".

"Ah, don't sweat it bro. I heard locking lips can melt stress away, gorgeous." Duncan waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Courtney's teeth grounded together, her nose screwing up, her claws were being balled into firsts and her tail was fluffing up twice its size.

"Bro..." Geoff warily spoke. Duncan's eyes widened and his pupils shrank as he thought the same thing.

"You INSOLENT LITTLE PERVERT! You get out here RIGHT NOW so I can give YOU a piece of my MIND! You PIGS are SO RUDE!" And once again, her howls being so strong, the second eldest pig's house went flying.

"RUN!"

" **The pig bros went to the next safest place: their youngest brother's house. It was a small, but well-built brick house, complete with windows, a roof, a wooden door and a small flower garden**."

"Let us in!" both brother pigs pleaded, pounding on the door. Harold opened a window, "Why hello my brothers, what bring you here?"

"There's a wolf chasing us! We've upset her and now she wants to eat us!"

"Oh, so now you want the help of the brother who would surely get eaten by wolves?" Harold clicked his tongue, shaking his head and leaning against the window frame.

The pig brothers looked back to see that Courtney was getting closer, "Please! We'll give you anything, just let us in!"

"Anything...hm?" Harold pretended to ponder before giving it to them straight, "I want an apology."

"A-an apology?"

"Yes! Say that I was right, and I built the best house!" He told them.

"Are you crazy?" Duncan cried. The wolf was getting closer.

"That's the price you pay." The redheaded nerd nodded.

Geoff cracked, "YOU WERE RIGHT! YOU BUILT THE RIGHT HOUSE! WE WERE WRONG!"

Harold shifted his gaze to Duncan, "Aaand?"

"FINE!" Duncan growled, "I'M SORRY, YOU WERE RIGHT! NOW LET US IT BEFORE SHE EAT US!"

Harold opened the door and the two brothers zoomed in and cowered in fear, trembling. Courtney finally made her way before stopping and looking at the house in front of her, "Wow! One of you pigs actually has good taste!" She circled the house, ears pricked up curiously, "Nice red color of the bricks, and the dark dusty blue of the roof is a nice touch. And what a good choice having the window sills painted white. Any other color would have clashed!"

She then shrugged, "Still, it ruins the theme of the forest, so it's got to go." Courtney knocked on the door, calling in a fake sugar-coated voice, "Little pigs, little pigs, let me in~"

"Not by the hair of our chinny chin chins!" Harold said. Courntey winced, "Ew. I did not need to hear that. Go shave. Anyways..." she regained her posture, "Little pigs, I need you to take this down. I'm afraid it does not follow the rules of the forest, so it has to be taken down. You understand, right?"

"Well-" Harold started but was cut off by Geoff.

"No way! Get out of here! You just want to turn us into lunch, you nasty carnivore!"

Courtney made her angry stance once again and howled at the top of her lungs, "I've TRIED to be NICE, but you PIGS will NOT COOPERATE! You ARE IMBECILES! Let me in, I'LL BEAT YOU TO A PULP!"

The pigs sat, frightened by the wolf and waiting for her angry rant to be over.

Courtney was almost out of breath, panting as she yelled out her last words, "You...unclean...messy...pigs...I hate...you..." she then toppled over, her tongue lolling out her mouth, trying to catch her breath.

Harold peeked out the window as Geoff covered his eyes, still scared by the wolf and Duncan, pressing himself against another glassed window, his small curled tail wagging again at the state of Courntey; the perverted pig declared it to be a turn-on.

"I...don't get it..." Courntey wheezed and heaved herself up once more, stretching out an arm and resting it on the doorframe and her other limb on her lap, "Your...house should have...blown away..."

"Think again, wolf!" Harold pointed an accusing finger at her, "I built my house with time and care!"

"But...it doesn't go well with the forest!" Courtney protested, "We need to keep it forest-themed!"

"Well...if I let my gardens grow it can become a forest house I guess.. "

"Forest house..." Courntey furrowed her brows, her "Yes! I can totally see it!"

Without warning, she bounded to the small garden, her liquid gold orbs swimming with curiosity, " If I put the daisies here...some morning glories...ah! Yes! I can see it now!" She turned back slyly, "But, you pigs have to help me! Then I'll leave you alone!"

"A garden will be totally fun! I'm in, dudette!" Geoff cheered.

"It could be a trap!" Harold hissed, ushering him back inside before nochalantly leaning on the window frame again, "How do we know you won't eat us?"

"Because," said the wolf, "I'm a vegetarian." Harold opened his mouth to argue but he C.I.T made a mouth-closing gesture with her palm and gave him a look, "Get out here before I pull on your stupid nose and cook me some bacon. STAT!"

" **And with that, the pig bros happily obliged**..." Chris closed the book, the scene once again returning to his seat by the fire, "The end."

"That was a great story! But I thought in the original the wolf climbed in the chimney and burned its butt and it ran away, never to be seen again!" Izzy threw her arms in the air.

"Listen, kid." The raven haired male leaned on his book, "It already took a lot of convincing to get Courtney in the story. If I make it so it hurts one little hair on her, I'll get sued. And me no likey." He relaxed back on his chair, pressing the bubble pipe against his mouth once more, "Tune in next time for story time with Uncle Chris."

"Don't forget Izzy!"

"YOU RUINED MY ENDING YOU LITTLE-"

* * *

 **Done! So, how do you guys like it? I've been working on this for a while, so leave your reviews below and let me now if you want me to do a specific fairy tale with specific people!**

 **I'm out, remember to smile!**


	2. Geoff and The Beanstalk

" **Welcome to story time, with Uncle Chris**."

Chris sat upon his comfortable throne once more, the large brown and dusty book sat upon his lap as he looked around warily, seeming to look for something. He breathed out a sigh of relief as he opened his mouth to resume talking but Izzy leaped out of the chiseled wooden door as it swung open, revealing the female.

She had a crazed grin on her face, green orbs dilated to small dots and her eyes wide as saucers. Along with that, she had a piranha on the end of her hair, seemingly doing no damage as it chewed on it.

She walked in, piranha and all, inside. Izzy stretched out her arm, her body making a cracking noise as she turned to the right, "I'm here!"

Chris face-palmed, groaning, "Izzy! This is twice you've interrupted an intro!"

"It's your fault you kept me busy!" she shot back, flicking off the piranha nibbling her hair, which landed on the ground with a yelp before Izzy plopped down, lifting her knees up to her chest, "Now let's get on with story time!"

Chris sighed, muttering colorful swears to himself as he opened the large book, flipping the yellow crinkled pages to an illustration of what seemed like Geoff in a dark brown and ragged vest with half-torn black pants which went to his knees. On his feet were ginger boots with yellow trimming and on his head was a dark brown cowboy. He seemed to be climbing a large beanstalk, green and which stretched onto the sky, "Tonight's story is Geoff and The Beanstalk."

Izzy beamed, "I love that story! Who's the giant? FEE, FI, FO, FU-"

"IZZY!"

The crazy girl's head perked up at his interruption.

"We will NOT have another repeat of last time. Which means NO interruptions! Understand?"

"Yessiree!" Izzy saluted to him with two fingers and sat like an obedient puppy.

" **Good...now let us begin...once upon a time, there was a dude named Geoff who lived with his girlfriend, Bridgette.** "

The two blondes were shown standing in front of a cherry red barn, both in rags.

" **They both lived on a farm and made very little money. One day, Bridgette asked Geoff to go out and sell their cow, Presiosa**."

The female was shown leading out the spotted creature by its leather reigns. Bridgette brought it close to Geoff.

"Hey, Geoffy." she called to the party animal. Geoff looked from the ground, where he was crouched, and stood up, shaking off dirt.

"Hey, Bridge. Why do you have Pressy?" He asked.

"Baby, I'm gonna need you to go into town and sell Presiosa. She's not making any more milk, and we could really use some extra dough."

"Oh. But why me?"

"Because," the woman pursed her lips and placed her hands on her hips, "If I leave you alone here, I'm positive we'll have a repeat of last time."

"I said I was sorry! I didn't know the bunnies would attack!"

"Yeah, yeah." She rolled her eyes, "Just take the cow, Geoff."

"Fine!" The blonde yanked on the tendrils handed to him. The cow mooed loudly; loud enough to make Geoff's hair blow back a little.

Geoff groaned and fixed his hat which was also disturbed by the moo and headed out from the farm, walking towards the market on the dirt and gravel road.

" **Geoff went to the market, but he couldn't find anyone that wanted to trade his cow for any money.** "

A dejected Geoff was shown as a marketer refused his offer by shaking her head.

" **Without any luck, Geoff began to turn home, when suddenly, a gambling swindler known for cheating people appeared**."

A tall and bony girl slipped from the bushes, known as Heather. She was pale with raven hair and wore a velvet jacket with tight back pants. Heather grinned wickedly as she saw Geoff passing by, a look of distress on his face as he led the old cow on the path.

"Um...Bridge...I know you said to sell Pressy...but um...I was attacked! Or um...the market was robbed and I had to get out of there are quickly as I could! Yea, that sounds believable..."

Heather cut off his path as she stepped in front of him, hands on her hips.

"Hey." She cupped a hand on her cheek as she whispered to Geoff, "Want to see something cool?"

The blonde, now paying attention nodded, his eyes now full of curiosity. Heather focused her dark eyes on her gloved hands, swirling them around each other as they began to glow blue.

Geoff watched in amazement as she stuck out her hand, which ceased glowing. In her palm, three beans rested. Heather looked around, as if to check no one was listening, before leaning in and whispering again, "These are magic beans. If you plant them, they can grow money!" She jiggled her hand, making the three beans bounce, "You want 'em?"

"Yes!" Geoff exclaimed, reaching over to snatch them, but Heather put her hand behind her back as soon as he tried to grab. He looked at her with a perplexed face before Heather spoke, "But...these beans are not for free...got any money?"

The blonde sighed, "No..."

"Well..." The skinny female pursed her lips, "I don't normally make trades, but I can take that cow of yours and trade it for this." She stuck out her opposite hand, still holding the beans with her right.

Geoff glanced back at Presiosa, who was tearing at the grass. He looked at Heather before taking her hand, shaking it firmly, "It's a deal, dudette!"

Heather beamed, throwing the beans in the air carelessly. While Geoff struggled to catch them, she took the reigns of Presiosa and said, "Pleasure doin' business with you!" And dashed off.

The blonde chuckled, catching the beans in his hat. He stared at the them and began to walk away, but then turned around and asked, "Wait! Do these need to be planted separately or-"

But the gambler had disappeared. Geoff stared at the empty space for a while before shrugging, "Guess she had somewhere to be."

 **"And with that, Geoff continued his journey home. When Bridgette found out he had traded their cow for beans, well, she was more than a little upset-** "

"BEANS!?"

Bridgette shrieked, gawking at the male who had just come in with the beans clutched in his grip.

"Babe, don't worry. These are magic beans!" He put a hand on her shoulder, which only made her eyes twitch even more.

"Babe?"

Bridgette exploded.

"I send you into town, thinking you'll come back with some CASH, but NOOOO! You came back with BEANS! Not even a lot of beans, JUST THREE! THREE BEANS! YOU CAN BACK WITH THREE BEANS! HA! CONGRATS! YOU'LL BE THE REASON WHY WE STARVE TO DEATH!"

Geoff shrunk back, rethinking his plan more, "I guess it was kind of dumb..."

"Yeah, you think?" Bridgette rubbed her temples, "Ugh...just...I'm ordering pizza. Come if you want..."

Geoff stared at her as she went back inside the barn. He glared at the beans in his hand, smacking his other palm to his forehead multiple times, "Stupid, stupid, stupid!" He growled at himself. The blonde male threw the beans on the ground forcefully, spitting on them before storming after Bridgette.

" **When Geoff threw the beans on the ground, they began to grow overnight. They grew large, and a huge stalk was in their yard the next day**."

The beans began to sprout up, but then the three saplings fused together and they made a thick stalk which only kept growing, forming leaves and vines which curled around it in the process.

The morning came as a rooster called on the top of their barn. Bridgette was the first one to exit their home and see the freak of nature stalk in their yard.

" _GEOFF_!"

The blonde party dude shot up on his bed as he heard his girlfriends' voice scream his name. He massaged his head as he walked down, yawning.

"Eh, what's wrong Bridge?" He stretched, scratching his head as he neared her. Bridgette's eyes were wide and twitching.

As soon as Geoff followed her stare, he gasped and let a 'woah' slip through his lips.

"Geoff..." Bridgette's hands were trembling as she pointed to the beanstalk, "Tell me that is not the result of those stupid beans..."

But he instead cocked his head, looking at it in confusion, "Um...the person who sold it to me said that it could grow money, but that looks like a beanstalk to me..."

"Actually, it looks pretty cool!" He continued, pumping his fist in the air, "Bridge, I'm gonna climb it! I wanna see what's on the top!"

"Geoff..." Bridgette eyed the large vegetation warily, "...you could fall! And, what if there's nothing there? What if you get lost? What if-"

"Relax Bridge..." Geoff rubbed the other blonde's shoulders, "It's gonna be alright. This is what I did. I'll be alright, just lemme go, okay?"

"Okay..." she sighed, "But please, Geoff, be careful..."

"I will..." and with that, Geoff stuck himself onto the beanstalk and began to shimmy up.

" **Geoff began to climb. He climbed tirelessly and restlessly, but after many excruciating...well actually in an hour, he had made it...** "

He heaved himself up, resting a hand on a fluffy cloud.

" **When he reached it, the place seemed peculiar in some way...maybe because it seemed magical, maybe because it was a town on the sky...or it could possibly be the reason that it was entirely made out of fucking clouds**."

The paradise before him was huge, large designed marble columns seemed to be holding up a large muffin shaped structure, with pink bricks on red paint designed like a cupcake with the words "Bakery" on a slab of wood at the top. It had a brown wooden door to the entrance.

"Wow, a bakery!" he exclaimed, "That means food! Maybe I can bring some home!" Geoff hopped from the beanstalk and immediately regretted it as he remembered he could fall, but a wave of surprise struck him as he landed belly-first on a cloud.

He pat down the substance in front of him and saw it was indeed, solid. He heaved himself to his feet and began to treck his way to the giant bakery.

Arriving, he saw it was much bigger than when it appeared from a distance. Geoff blinked, seeing the two wooden doors were three times his size and he could quite literally slip through the cracks underneath, in which he did. The floors were marble and coated in a glossy liquid, in which he slipped on and went sliding down the bakery, before stopping abruptly as he collided with a large wooden table leg.

" **When Geoff walked inside the bakery, he saw a large dining table with an arrangements of deserts, pastries, cakes, cookies, ice cream, pies, the list was endless**."

The blonde cowboy drooled at the sight of the sweet treats and began to climb up the table leg, plunging himself onto the table and seeing the large delectable deserts up close. He walked through the city of pastries, saliva splattering on the table at every turn. But then he heard some beautiful music, like a harp. For his two-second attention span, Geoff became curious and decided to follow the elegant noise.

" **Geoff heard some music and decided to search for where it came from, searching the table, knowing the song was coming nearby, he found a harp, playing near a goose**."

The harp was a golden color, but attached to pillar (or column) of the harp was a slim and dark-skinned girl, wearing a striped golden-and-white croptop and yellow jean shorts. Her hands were folded together as the strings magically moved. The goose large and plump and curled up and it surprisingly had pigtails. The really weird thing, was that they both looked alike, despite being a goose and harp.

"Um...hi?"

The harp and goose immediately faced him, fear coursing through his veins for a second, before relaxing as the harp squealed, "Omigosh, Sadie! We have a visitor! Wake up!"

Sadie, the goose, automatically flew upward, a bundle of feathers fluttering down as she settled on the ground, "Omigosh, you're right, Katie! How did you get up here?"

Geoff blinked, "Oh...um...I climbed..."

"This is so cool!" Katie squeaked, but then frowned, "You didn't eat anything, did you?"

"No, not yet. Why?"

"You can't eat anything!" Sadie shrieked, "If you do, the giant will get you!"

Before Geoff could open his mouth and ask about 'the giant?', Katie replied with another girly scream, "You're so right!"

"Uh...guys?" he piped up. When both girls were turned to him, he continued, "I didn't know there was a giant, and since I can't eat the food, I really need to get down to earth-"

"Ohmygod!" Katie interrupted, cupping her mouth, "You're from the earth? I've always wanted to go down there! Can we go with you!"

"Totally!" Sadie agreed, "Please! I can be useful...um...I lay golden eggs!"

"You do?" Geoff's eyebrows raised in surprise, "Like, solid gold or-"

"Solid gold!" The goose chirped happily.

"Wait, wait, wait!"

The story paused as it resumed back to story-telling mode, with Chris and his book. He narrowed his eyes in disinterest, leaning forward on his book and cupping his cheek, "Yes, Izzy?" he murmured.

The redhead criss-crossed her legs and her eyebrows furrowed, deep in thought, "Solid gold is heavy. How can a weak goose carry that once a day? And doesn't fertilization need to happen in order for a goose to lay eggs? And is Sadie the only goose who can lay golden eggs? It seems like an evolutionary end. And how-"

"Izzy!" Chris interrupted sharply, "We just don't question things in fairy tale books!"

"Oh. Continue, then." she made a gesture, urging him on.

The story resumed.

"Katie and Sadie left Geoff across the glories array of delectables, on their way to the earth."

The male blonde forgot how he was surrounded by deserts and had to wipe drool from the corner of his mouth.

Don't eat it, he reminded himself. That is, until he saw a one-layer red velvet cake, coated in buttercream. He couldn't take it any longer. Tearing himself from the BFFs, he sunk his teeth into the desert, chewing the delicious and chocolaty bread and tasting the smoothness of the icing. It was the most tasty thing he had ever eaten, and his stomach yearned for more.

But before he could take another bite, Katie and Sadie ran to him, eyes wide and trembling.

"We told you not to eat anything!" they hollered at him. He didn't understand why they looked scared.

" **Without missing a beat, the floor began to quiver, spooking Geoff so much that he leaped inside the cake and buried himself in it. The door flew open as a large and fat blonde boy with a ragged white shirt and dark green shorts, none other than Owen, walked in.** "

"Oh yeah!" Izzy screamed, jumping for joy as the story paused once again, "Big O's the giant! I'm so turned on right now!"

Chris gave her a hard glare, which was enough to silence her as she sat down once again.

Owen stomped into the kitchen, "Fi, fa, diddly-doo, da...um...fo? How does it go again? Ah, anyways, who dares steal a bite from my tasty food?"

The large blonde giant waddled to the table, making it quake with each step he took. Katie and Sadie had dashed behind a pie. Owen inspected one side of the table, "Hm...nothing's here...or here..." he examined each treat, squinting his eyes as he held it to his face, "All clear here!"

Before Geoff could dash away, Owen scooped up the red velvet and sighed, "Ahhh. My pride cake. Made with the eggs of my beloved goose!" he brought it up to take a bite, but Geoff had to poke his head out, with a gasp and cough, for he had run out of air inside the cake.

Owen shrieked, immediately retracting his hands from the cake and letting it drop on the ground with a splatter before grimacing, "So _you're_ the one who took a bite of my pastries, huh?"

The blonde cowboy squealed and tried to retract his head back inside, but Owen pinched the collar of his shirt and dragged him out. Geoff looked down, the pit of his stomach dropping when he saw the floor was so far away, and a misstep from the giant could send him falling down.

Owen wasted no time in setting down the small person, surprisingly gently on a cupboard and closing the door, but Geoff thought quick and placed his hat in between the doors before they could shut completely.

Sadie looked up and gasped, seeing what Geoff was trying to do. She poked Katie with her beak, and when the harp poked her head out and saw the same thing, both of them exchanged gazes and nodded.

"Owen!" Katie called, making the giant turn, "You've had a rough day. Should I play a soothing melody to calm you?"

"Why of course." Owen closed his eyes as the harp began to play it's soft melody, silently lulling the giant to sleep. He collapsed on his table of treats, making some of them topple over and the table tilt a bit. Once Geoff heard the snores coming from the giant, he knew the coast was clear. Removing his hat ever so carefully and making sure the doors didn't close again, he slipped out.

Hopping to the desert table, he scooped up Sadie and whispered, "Let's get out of here." between his teeth. Sadie frowned, "What about Katie?"

"We'll come for her later, you're what we need to survive, now-"

"I can't leave without Katie!" the goose's wails became louder.

He winced as the giant groaned, "Keep it down, the giant might wake up!" Geoff hissed, but it was no use as the goose made an ear-splitting squawk, "KAAAAATTTTIIIIIEEE!"

Geoff growled in frustration as he heard the giant waking up, a loud yawn that rocked the table. Katie quickly bolted, quickly hopping, but it was too slow. The blonde cowboy groaned as he also picked the harp up and dashed, listening to the unwelcome sound of the giant who immediately noticed them and chased after them.

"Hey! Come back here!" Owen teetered after them, but tripped in the process, making the table of treats flip over, cakes raining from the sky. Geoff was on the floor as he tried to avoid the falling pastries, running with both BFFs in his arms.

Owen heaved himself up again and zoomed afterwards. Geoff escaped through the crack under the door and sprinted off into the cloud, the giant following close behind as he threw open the door, bellowing, "Come back with my stuff, thief!"

They made their way down the beanstalk, now sliding down it, Geoff wincing as leaves and vines scraped his butt. After he passed through the clouds, he could see a worried Bridgette, no more the size of an ant form his distance, worrying for his safety.

The blonde cowboy sprung off the stalk when he was close to the ground, landing on the cotton fields. Bridgette's eyes widened in surprise to see his boyfriend on the ground with a fallen harp and goose.

"Quick! Bridgette! The axe!" he shouted.

" **From above the clouds the giant was in hot pur-** " Chris stopped mid-sentence when the story showed Owen, clutching on to the tip of the beanstalk, panting for breath, his other arm holding his stomach. Now Chris paused the story.

"Owen!? You're supposed to be in hot pursuit of them!" he exclaimed. Owen gasped for air, "I...will..just...let...me...catch...breath..."

"Woo! Go Owen!" Izzy cheered form the background.

But the giant was too late, as the beanstalk fell to the ground. The story went back to Geoff, beads of sweat running down his forehead as he wiped it off. Sadie and Katie both righted themselves and gawked at earth in wonder. Bridgette still had the axe in her hand, the other rested on her hip.

"Oh, forget it." Chris muttered, before resuming the story for the last time to finish.

" **And so, Geoff and Bridgette got one Sadie egg a day and used it to buy land and grow rich, while Katie the harp played for them every night. All of them were satisfied from their end of the deal, and they lived happily ever after. The end**."

"That was a nice story." Izzy beamed. Chris nodded, "So it was. Remember to join us next time, children, as we explore more fairy tales, with Uncle Chris-"

"And Izzy!"

"Until next time!"

 **soooo! that's the next part of 'total drama tales!', make sure to leave suggestions for the next fairy tale! sorry i didn't use any this part, i already had something in mind!**

 **remember to smile and i hope you enjoyed this edition! peace out!**


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